


Lay Your Body Down, Rock Your Tears Away

by MerryLilHobbit



Series: Newt and Tina [20]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Babies, Children, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Infertility, Married Couple, Married Sex, Mention of Miscarriage (not Tina), Sad and Happy, Smut, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Why Did I Write This?, trying to get pregnant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:37:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9268001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryLilHobbit/pseuds/MerryLilHobbit
Summary: It was a rare occasion when Tina sobbed; she had cried after the births of their children, of course, for those had been emotional moments, and occasionally she grew teary in a happy way – but she rarely actually sobbed. The only other time Newt could recall her doing so was in the MACUSA Death Cell so long ago, absolutely terrified and believing she was about to die.But she sobbed now – and he honestly couldn’t blame her because he felt like doing exactly the same.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’m an awful person for writing this, and yet I have not a single regret. 
> 
> The story is set in various months of the year 1937 – and then a little interlude at the end in 1940.

**January 1937**

“Tina, love? Are you awake?”

She gave a long yawn, not moving from her position against his side. “Barely. What is it?”

Newt couldn’t help but hesitate, resting his hand on her hip as he thought to himself how best to approach the conversation. “I was just wondering…I don’t wish to be crude, but...I’ve been thinking that perhaps…”

“ _Newt_.”

“I want to have another baby.”

Tina’s eyes snapped open at his hurried confession, any lingering traces of sated exhaustion disappearing _extremely_ quickly. “You want _what_ now?!?”

Even in the darkness of their bedroom, she could see that his cheeks had gone pink already. “I…I know that you’re probably rather sick of the whole thing…that is, being pregnant, seeing as you’ve done it three times already…and that you probably just want to get back into working from now on…but I was just thinking to myself that…well, it doesn’t matter actually…”

“What brought this on?” She questioned, sitting up to fully look at him.

“Nothing in particular,” He admitted, and he actually looked somewhat _ashamed_ to have brought the whole thing up. “It’s just something that’s been on my mind, that’s all.” He paused for a moment thoughtfully. “A few nights ago, when I was tucking Linnet in for bed, she started asking…well, she has two brothers, and she wanted to know if she would ever have a sister…”

“And what did you say to that?” Tina prompted, raising an eyebrow at him.

Newt looked away from her, rather embarrassed. “Well…I told her, _‘maybe’_. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or upset her, but I suppose a part of me _was_ hoping…Never mind,” He brushed off quickly, shaking his head to himself. “It was just a thought.”

“ _Hang on_ , we’re not done talking about this,” She stated firmly, and he knew better than to argue with her when she spoke like _that_. “There must be another reason – aside from Linnet wanting a sister, that is – for you to want to have another baby. What is it?”

He sat up as well, still avoiding her gaze. “I know we never really discussed how many children we wanted _exactly_ , that we haven’t exactly been _planning_ at all, but I’ve been thinking lately… As I said, I know you’re far too busy with work to want to have another baby,” He repeated hurriedly. “That three is quite enough, and I’m honestly perfectly happy with that; I love our children and always will…but I won’t lie, Tina; I think another baby would be _wonderful_.”

Tina regarded him for a moment, mulling over what he had said. “I…I see. It’s…It’s a big commitment,” She said quietly, expression unreadable. “We have three children already, one of whom isn’t even _two_ yet; it would mean not getting any sleep, night feeds…”

“Yes,” Newt agreed softly, feeling any hope that had been inside of him sink. “Yes, you’re right.”

She was silent for a moment – but then she smiled at him, brown eyes lighting up even in the dark as she put a hand on his cheek and leaned in. “We’re crazy – absolutely crazy – for wanting this, aren’t we?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been considered absolutely mad,” He agreed, chuckling to himself as his heart lifted. “So…that’s a yes?”

“Of course it is,” Tina laughed – quietly, so as to not wake their children sleeping down the hall. “It’s a definite _yes_.”

The resulting kiss turned heated rather fast; he had her pajamas off within just a few short minutes, the clashing of their lips slowing down his progress a bit, and he was only vaguely aware when she pulled down his own bottoms eagerly – they were more than used to this by now, more than acquainted with each other’s bodies after all of these years of marriage. She gave him a few firm strokes, making sure he was hard and ready (he was, he always was when she touched him like that) before lifting herself up and sinking down ever so slowly onto him.

Newt couldn’t help the groan that left his throat at the feel of her, so _wet_ and _warm_ around him, as he gripped her hips in his hands. “ _Tina_ …Merlin’s beard…”

“You’ll wake the kids,” She muttered against his jaw, though he could feel her smiling to herself in amusement. “Here, let me just…” He watched as she stretched her body to grab her wand from the side-table by the bed; she silently waved it in the direction of the closed door before tossing it away carelessly. “Silencing Charm.”

“Oh. Good.”

Tina wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him in for another searing kiss as her hips lifted and dropped in a slow rhythm; he could have probably spent hours like this, buried deep inside of her as they held each other. “I’m not off the potion yet,” She murmured against his mouth, absolutely breathless. “Potion doesn’t…it doesn’t wear off for another week.”

“That’s fine,” He assured her, unable to stop the grin on his face from forming. “I’m really not complaining.”

“No,” She agreed, rather amused by this as she grinded herself against him. “I’m _sure_ you’re not, Mr Scamander.”

“I might be soon, however, if we don’t pick up the pace _just a tad_.”

She huffed out a laugh at this, spreading her hands against his chest. “Lean back against the headboard a bit more… _oh_. _Yes_.” The word came out like a hiss between her teeth. “ _Yes_.”

Keeping a strong grip on her hips, Newt let out a long unsteady breath; she looked positively stunning above him, all pale skin and slight lean curves that had filled out marvelously over the years from bearing their children. _This_ was his Tina: short dark hair tousled, red lips, beautiful brown eyes – she wasn’t a tough Auror in this moment but his wonderful wife, the mother of their children, and this was how he liked her best.

“You are remarkable,” He found himself whispering to her as she started thrusting on top of him. “Absolutely _magnificent_.”

“More so than a dragon? More than an Antipodean Opaleye?”

He grinned at her, moving one hand from her hip to her breast. “Infinitely more so.”

Tina managed a laugh that quickly developed into a low drawn-out moan. “ _Newt_ …”

He continued kneading her breast expertly with his fingers, knowing exactly what she needed; at the desperate whimper she let out his hips thrusted up into her involuntarily, causing her to clutch his shoulders so tightly that her nails dug into his skin. “You’re so perfect,” He murmured, and he allowed himself to meet her thrusts now. “ _Merlin, yes_ …”

“Oh God,” She managed, and the slightly increased pitch in her voice told him she was close. “Newt…please…”

Newt sat up again, gripping her by the waist with both hands. “Yes…hang on…”

Without pulling out of her, he pushed her down onto her back on the bed so that she was underneath him; she let out small groan at the change in angle, moving to cup his face with her hands. “Oh…Oh, right _there_ …”

It was far easier for him to thrust harder like this, and as his hips picked up a steady pace he reached one hand down to rub at her clit. “You are so beautiful…” He muttered to her, pressing soft kisses against her neck. “Come on, Tina…I’ve got you…just let go. Let go for me.”

It took just a few more thrusts before Tina was coming, arching and twisting, as she called out his name repeatedly; Newt felt his thrusts become more sporadic as he felt her clench around him, hot and tight.

“ _Buggering hell…_ ” He gritted his teeth together, eyes tightly shut. “Almost…”

Within seconds he was tumbling over the edge with her, growling out her name as he pulsed and released inside of her. He was vaguely aware of his wife clutching at him, pulling him impossibly closer, so that he was buried to the hilt as he came.

It took a minute or so – he really couldn’t tell – before he was finally coherent enough to speak again. “Merlin’s beard,” Newt found himself panting, burying his face into her shoulder. “We don’t do this _nearly_ enough…”

Tina snorted out a quiet laugh, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “We did it just a few nights ago, love. Besides, we have three children – have to be careful.”

“It’ll be four soon,” He found himself musing quite breathlessly. “Unless you’ve changed your mind, that is.”

“No, I haven’t,” She assured him, grinning to herself. “I haven’t changed my mind _at all_.”

After a short while, a chill had started to invade the air – it was early-January, after all – and Newt gently eased himself out of his wife so that they could get underneath the covers; Tina was nestling into his side immediately, resting her head against his chest so that she could feel his heart beating.

“I love you, Newt,” She murmured sleepily, shifting so that she could get comfortable.

He smiled to himself rather contently, holding her close to him. “I love you too, Tina.”

* * *

**March 1937**

The liquid in the glass was swirling ominously as Tina checked her watch, waiting for five minutes to be up; it was only another minute and a half now to go, but she still felt like she had been waiting hours already. Feeling agitated, she started to pace the bathroom once more with a sigh, crossing her arms over her chest.

These potions were relatively easy to use; either a few drops of blood or a urine sample mixed with said-potion, a waiting time of five minutes, and then she would know. If the potion swirled into a blue color, she was pregnant – if it remained grey, then she wasn’t.

Tina could hear the children laughing and playing from downstairs, eagerly celebrating Leo’s second birthday, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself despite her nervousness; she loved all of them so dearly, and she wanted more than anything to have another child to love too. She wasn’t too bothered about the gender – though she was aware her daughter desperately wanted a sister to play with – and she knew that her husband wasn’t going to be terribly fussy either.

She checked her watch again when she was facing the door: five more seconds. She counted them slowly, wanting to be certain, before hurriedly turning around.

The potion in the glass swirled, a dull grey color.

Tina tried not to feel too disappointed as she picked up the glass and disposed of the liquid down the toilet; they had only been trying for a month and a half, so it had been unlikely really. There was still time – it would happen; it was just a matter of being patient.

“Mummy!” It was Phoenix’s voice, just outside the door, calling for her. “Mummy, we want to go in the case – Daddy said we have to wait for you!”

Making sure she was composed – she didn’t need the children seeing her upset, after all – she quickly flushed the loo and opened the door; her eldest son, so tall even at five (nearly six, mind you), beamed at her as she walked out.

“Daddy said the creatures wanna wish Leo a happy birthday,” He informed her, reaching for her arm.

Tina managed to smile at him, following him down the stairs. “Of course they do. We’d better not keep them waiting then.”

It was hard to believe that it had been two years since she’d been forced to give birth in the middle of an ambush in the middle of Bulgaria – what was even more difficult to believe was that the tiny little baby who had been far too early was now a happy and healthy toddler at two years old. She could only watch, grinning to herself, as her youngest son toddled around after his brother and sister in the case; he was just as eager as they were to learn about all of these magical creatures.

Newt wasn’t far behind the children, ready in case he needed to step in and assist; he grinned to himself when Phoenix and Linnet led their younger brother to the Bowtruckle tree, coming up behind them. “Now, what have we got here?” He chuckled, reaching down and hoisting Leo up so that he could see better. “These are the Bowtruckles, remember?”

Leo’s face lit up. “Bow-tuckle!” He exclaimed happily.

“Hello, Poppy!” Linnet chirped happily, extending a hand to one of the stick-like creatures; she looked absolutely thrilled when it crawled into her palm.

Phoenix had gently picked up Titus and was now laughing loudly as the Bowtruckle chattered at him. “Here,” He said, turning to his father and brother. “Do you wanna have a go, Leo?”

“Do you want to?” Newt repeated, looking at the toddler.

Leo eyed the creature on his brother’s hand – and then beamed excitedly. “Yes!”

“Alright,” His father agreed, lowering him to the ground. “Spread out your hands flat…that’s it…now just relax…” He softly ushered the Bowtruckle from Phoenix’s hand into his own before turning back to Leo. “Steady…he won’t bite…”

Thankfully Titus was in an agreeable mood today and climbed onto the two-year-old’s hands without any fuss; Leo gazed down at the creature in wonder, eyes wide and mouth open. “H’llo.”

“I think he likes you, Leo,” Newt informed him, grinning as he watched his son. “What do you say, Titus?”

Titus gave an unintelligible shriek.

“That means ‘hello’,” Linnet informed Leo, though none of them could be sure if this was what he had _really_ meant.

Newt chuckled affectionately at her, reaching his hands to take Titus back. “Yes, that’s probably it. Come, let’s give them some peace so that they can eat – I think Dougal might like a visit.”

Tina couldn’t help the small smile that had been growing on her face, despite how disappointed she had felt earlier; the sight of their children interacting with her husband’s beloved creatures was truly heart-warming.

“Mummy!” Linnet called, now having given Poppy to Newt to put back in the tree. “Are you coming? Gonna see Dougal!”

She laughed, walking towards her daughter and taking her hand. “Of course I’m coming, sweetie – I’m sure Dougal can’t wait to see us.”

* * *

**June 1937**

It had been a _long_ day, to the say the least.

Auror training had begun early that morning with a serious vigor, exhausting all of the new recruits on the junior team; Tina, as an experienced and well-regarded Senior Auror, had been tasked with making sure that these young wizards and witches were prepared to fight in Europe if necessary. It was harder than it sounded, of course, as nearly all of them were inexperienced and – in some cases – not quite taking the threat of approaching war seriously. Though she was rather well-practiced in keeping calm at the worst of times, Tina had still allowed herself to lose her temper when a burly young man by the name of Phineas Nott did nothing but talk during one of her sessions – the subsequent rant that she had given, eyes flashing and sparks flying from her wand, terrified _every_ recruit in the room into silence.

It was late when the recruits left, leaving her to pack up her things and stew silently; it was less than three minutes after the last young wizard had left, avoiding her eye, when her brother-in-law walked in – he did _not_ look impressed in the slightest, either, a bad sign considering he was Head of the Department.

“Tina,” He said politely enough, nodding his head at her.

“Theseus,” She returned, barely sparing him a glance.

“I’m not going to beat about the bush here,” He began immediately. “I know that you lost your control with one of the juniors – care to explain?”

Tina ground her teeth together. “No, not really.”

“Tina,” Theseus sighed. “I know that some of them aren’t quite…up to scratch, but we just need to be patient. There’s been times where I’ve wanted nothing more than to hex one of them too, but you’re a part of the senior team – you should really know better.” He paused for a moment, seeming to consider his next words. “Is everything alright? That is, outside of work? There’s nothing I need to worry about concerning you and Newt, is there? Or the kids?”

“No,” She snapped, her last nerve wavering at the mention of her children. “Everything is _fine_.”

He took a step closer before placing a hand on her arm, almost cautiously. “Tina…I know I’m technically your boss, but you’re also my sister-in-law – family comes before work. If something’s the matter, then you should know that I’d be more than happy to listen, even try to help.”

Her mind flashed back to that morning when she had woken up; her stomach had hurt beyond belief, and despite the fact she _knew_ what those cramps meant she had still been crestfallen to find blood staining her pajama bottoms. She couldn’t tell her brother-in-law of all people about _this_ , not even if she had wanted to.

“No,” Tina finally muttered, voice quiet. “You can’t help me, Theseus.”

Theseus sighed, finally conceding defeat. “Alright. But if you ever want to talk, then you can come to me – I don’t mind…or, if it would make you feel more comfortable, then I know that Margaret would be more than happy to listen.”

“I’ll think about it,” She agreed half-heartedly, closing her bag. “Goodnight, Theseus.”

“Goodnight, Tina. Say hello to Newt and the children for me.” He tried to give her a small smile. “We’ll be round for Phoenix’s birthday tomorrow evening – Margaret and the girls too.”

Tina nodded. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It didn’t escape his notice that there were tears swimming in her eyes as she hurriedly left the room, clutching her bag tightly in hand.

* * *

Despite a rather rocky start, Tina actually liked Margaret; the two may not have gotten off on quite the right foot at first (that foot being that Margaret had, rather tactlessly, asked Tina what her parents thought of her moving across the Atlantic “just to be with a Magizoologist”) but she knew now that her sister-in-law meant well and was truly a very lovely person. Though she was no real match for her actual sister, Tina had found Margaret to be a good substitute nonetheless.

As Theseus and Margaret’s daughters, Alice and Louisa, chased after Phoenix and Linnet (Leo toddling behind as fast as his little legs could carry him), Margaret sat down beside Tina on the garden bench. “It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”

“Mm,” Tina hummed, though the weather was the least of her worries at the moment. “Very nice.”

“Hard to believe Phoenix is six,” The older witch continued conversationally, though she kept her eyes on her sister-in-law. “How time flies, don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” Tina agreed absent-mindedly, watching the children giggling as they played.

Margaret gave a sigh. “Tina, dear, I’m not trying to be rude or forward but…but Theseus told me that you haven’t exactly been yourself lately.”

“Oh?”

“He said that you’ve been losing your temper at work more,” She continued, almost anxiously. “That you don’t even seem to be _there_ – you’re just drifting through each day, not paying any heed to what’s going on around you. He told me that you don’t exactly want to talk about it-”

“I don’t,” Tina interrupted sharply. “So leave it.”

The older witch fell silent immediately, looking away and out into the vast garden as her cheeks tinged slightly pink. The two of them continued to watch their children playing for a few minutes, an awkward wall of tension seeming to rise between them.

Finally, Tina sighed and tore her eyes away to look down at the ground, gnawing on her lip. “I’m sorry, Margaret. It’s not your fault. I just…things have been difficult, that’s all.”

“It’s alright,” Margaret assured her softly, and she put a comforting hand on her arm. “No one’s been having it easy lately, to be honest – the stress is getting the best of us all. I know you said you don’t wish to talk about it but…but if you ever want to, then I’d be more than happy to listen.”

“I know. I…I think I probably _should_ talk to someone,” Tina admitted hesitantly. “I don’t think I can really tell Newt, he…he wouldn’t really understand, and my sister…there are some things you can’t exactly discuss in a letter.”

The other woman nodded understandingly. “Of course. Did you want to talk now? Here? Perhaps we should find somewhere more private.”

At this, they both looked over at where their children were playing together quite happily; their husbands were nearby, talking at the hippogriff paddock – the children would be fine playing with the two of them nearby.

The kitchen had been completely deserted, everyone else enjoying the fresh sunshine outside, and so the two women made some tea before sitting down at the kitchen table; Tina couldn’t even look her sister-in-law in the eye as she clutched her mug, unsure of how exactly to begin this conversation.

Thankfully, Margaret seemed to notice her discomfort and began speaking first. “You’re quieter than usual…is everything alright with Newt? You two haven’t had a disagreement or anything?”

“No, Newt and I are…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “We’re absolutely fine.”

“And the children…they seem healthy and happy to me, but you know them better than I do of course. Is anything wrong with them?”

Tina shook her head, though her grip on her mug tightened noticeably. “They’re fine too. But…But the thing is, we…Newt and I…we were thinking of…of having another baby.”

Margaret’s face lit up. “Oh, that’s wonderful, Tina! Congratulations!”

And just like that, her bottom lip was quivering. “It _would_ be wonderful,” She muttered, tears starting to blur her vision. “But it’s _not_ happening.”

“What are you…? _Oh_.” Her sister-in-law’s smile disappeared. “I see. Well…how long have you been trying, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Since January. We’ve…We’ve been trying for nearly half a year, but nothing seems to be happening.” She ducked her head, hoping that if she stared at her tea long enough then her tears would disappear on their own. “We’ve been doing everything _right_ , and we’ve never had this problem before…it makes me wonder if perhaps…perhaps I’m not too _old_.”

Margaret put a hand over hers. “Of course not! Why, you’re not even thirty-six until August – there’s still plenty of time!” She assured her sympathetically. “Sometimes it just takes a while – look at how much Theseus and I struggled to have the girls. We tried for _years_ before we had any luck – we had all but given up when I found out I was pregnant with Alice.”

Tina remembered that time rather well; everyone in the Scamanders’ social circle had been certain that something was wrong with Margaret and that she was the reason that they hadn’t had any children – but she and Newt knew the truth, knew that it had actually been Theseus who had had the problem. When they had announced that they were expecting their first baby, it had been a joyful surprise.

“We weren’t expecting to have Louisa as well,” Margaret mused, continuing on from her previous point. “But we were so happy all the same… Tina, I’m sure it _will_ happen soon – you and Newt haven’t had any problems in the past, _clearly_ , so I doubt something _is_ wrong with either of you. Perhaps you just need to give it time.”

“Perhaps,” Tina sighed in agreement, reaching to rub at her eyes. “I guess I’m just exhausted – things haven’t exactly been easy at work.”

“Theseus has been telling me the same thing,” Her sister-in-law said, frowning to herself. “To be honest with you, Tina, I’m worried that one of these days they’re going to send him out in the field – that is, to somewhere like Germany or Bulgaria. He’s convinced it won’t be long, and I can’t help but think so too; things have really been heating up over there.”

It was a worry that Newt and Tina both shared too; being a Senior Auror, it was entirely possible for the Ministry to change her status from “working on the home-base” to “active in combat” at any time – as for her husband, there had been a few owls asking if he would possibly consider working on the Eastern Front with dragons once more. The only thing really truly stopping him was their children – he knew that, should she be called to fight, he would have to be there to look after them.

“A war is the worst time for families,” Tina muttered to herself, going to take a sip from her mug.

Margaret lifted her own mug. “Yes,” She agreed sadly. “Yes it really is.”

* * *

“We keep on trying, but…but so far, nothing seems to have happened.”

Theseus was nodding understandingly. “I see. Well, Newt, all I can say is that sometimes you just need to wait…Merlin, look how long Margaret and I ended up having to wait for our two!”

“But that’s you and Margaret,” Newt muttered, eying up Ginger the Hippogriff – she was starting to flap her great wings, nearly hitting the other inhabitants of her paddock in the process. “Tina and I have never had nearly as much trouble…in fact, I’d say all three of them were rather a surprise.”

“Rub it in, why don’t you?”

He halted at the sardonic tone in his brother’s voice. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No,” Theseus sighed. “I know. Look, Newt, it’s not really any of my business to tell you how you should be impregnating your wife here – that’s between the two of you. All I can do is share my own experiences…which, as you know, have hardly been very easy…”

“Theseus, I’m worried about Tina,” Newt admitted. “I can tell that this is hurting her – she probably thinks she’s doing something wrong, taking it to heart. I don’t know how much longer I can stand by and watch her grow depressed, to be honest.”

His brother leaned against the paddock fence, thoughtful and sympathetic. “I know – I work every day with her, remember? I can tell that this is upsetting her just by how she’s acting at work; she’s been losing her temper more, snapping at the recruits, floating through the day mindlessly…I’d say the two of you should take a break from all of this baby business.”

“Take a break?” Newt looked confused by this. “We’re trying for a baby, Theseus, we can’t just ‘take a break’ – for all we know, she could get pregnant within the next couple of weeks if we keep trying.”

“I’m not saying ‘stop having sex’,” Theseus muttered dryly, rolling his eyes. “I’m saying to get away from _here_ for a little while – away from work and stress…away from the kids, just for a week.”

“Away from the… No,” Newt disagreed firmly. “Absolutely not.”

Theseus shook his head at him. “Newt, I know you love the kids – you both do – and I’m not denying it; I’m just saying that between work, the children, and all of this worrying about a new baby…well, you and Tina could probably benefit from a short holiday.”

“A short holiday _where_?” He questioned. “Most of Europe is either engaged in a war or preparing to be.”

“Tina is American,” His brother pointed out easily. “You could go and see her sister, right? That would cheer her up to no end, I’m sure.”

Newt bit at his lower lip, considering this idea; his brother _did_ have a point there. Tina was sure to enjoy a trip to see her sister and Jacob, to see their nephews and nieces – even if only for a few days.

“Alright,” He finally allowed, turning away from Theseus to enter the paddock; Ginger was now snapping her beak at some of the other Hippogriffs, a sign she was looking for a fight. “I’ll…I’ll see if I can talk to her about it.”

* * *

**August 1937**

She was getting rather sick of looking at that disgusting grey potion, to say the least, but she still _needed_ to know. Perhaps there was a chance, she reasoned, it had been seven months after all – it was probably more than likely going to happen _sooner_ rather than later.

Tina could only stare as the potion swirled in the glass, mixing with the small sample of blood she had given, and wait. Her legs felt like lead, her stomach twisting uncomfortably – she didn’t think she could stand, let alone _pace_ to let out her nerves. She wanted _badly_ for it to have worked this time, for her to be pregnant – she wanted it more than anything.

Her watch gave a beep to signal five minutes had ended, but still she looked at the glass of grey potion hopefully – perhaps it just needed some more time, to properly mix? Perhaps she hadn’t done it correctly?

Another five minutes passed and it still didn’t shift colors. Tina felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach at the sight of it – it wasn’t going to change, no matter how much she willed it to in her mind.

She was glad she had cast a Silencing Charm on the door because the children – and Newt, for that matter – really didn’t need to hear her crying.

* * *

**September 1937**

A letter from Queenie and Jacob came during breakfast that morning, excited neat scrawls bursting from the page with the announcement that they were expecting a new baby in the following February.

“How marvelous for them,” Newt mused with a grin as he scanned the letter. “That makes…five now I believe?”

“Wonder if it’ll be a boy or girl!” Linnet exclaimed excitedly.

Leo banged his spoon against his bowl and giggled loudly. “Baby!”

“How wonderful, don’t you think, Tina?”

Tina had gone grey in the face. “Yes,” She whispered quietly, reaching for her morning coffee. “How wonderful for them.”

He frowned then, quickly catching on that she wasn’t exactly pleased by this news. “Tina…”

“I have to get to work,” She muttered, hurriedly standing up from her seat. “I’ll see you all tonight… You three behave for your father, alright?”

The children gave her goodbye kisses before she apparated away – it didn’t escape Newt’s notice that she had completely ignored _him_ before she left.

“Mummy looked sad,” Linnet pointed out suddenly, going back to her toast and jam.

Phoenix frowned to himself. “Why was she sad, Daddy?” He asked, abandoning his own food to look at his father inquisitively. “Auntie Queenie and Uncle Jacob having a baby is a good thing, isn’t it?”

“A very good thing,” Newt agreed softly, folding the letter and tucking it into his pocket. “I think…Mummy is just _tired_.”

 _He_ was tired, to tell the truth; it had been eight months of regular trying and still _nothing_ seemed to have come from it. This whole baby business was causing rather a lot of tension between himself and Tina, he had noticed; the only times they seemed to really talk were when the children were around or when they were actually _trying_.

 _I simply don’t understand_ , He thought sadly to himself as he watched their children tuck into breakfast: _we never had any trouble conceiving these three whatsoever…so what’s so different now?_

He still hadn’t mentioned that holiday to her – he doubted he really _could_ now, seeing how Tina had reacted to the news of her sister being pregnant. He knew that she loved Queenie dearly and always would, but the pain was just too raw at the moment – he’d have to wait a few days, at least, to bring up the holiday with her.

“Daddy?” Phoenix’s voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts. “I’ve finished breakfast now. Can we go into the case?”

Linnet pushed away her toast and nodded eagerly. “Yes, let’s go into the case!”

“Bow-tuckle!” Leo exclaimed in agreement.

Newt forced himself to smile at the three of them; his thoughts of the holiday could wait for now – the children and creatures were his top priority at this very second.

* * *

“I think perhaps we should see a Healer.”

Tina drew her knees into her chest, staring at the bedspread beneath her. It had been scrubbed and charmed clean of the blood now, but she could still _see_ it in front of her.

“I know that we didn’t have this much trouble before, but maybe this time…just to be safe…we should talk to a Healer about it.”

It just wasn’t fair – it didn’t make any sense.

“Tina?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Let’s just get some sleep, alright? I’m tired.”

Newt sat down on the bed opposite her, studying her face for a long time; slowly, his hand lifted to cup her cheek. “I know that you’re upset – so am I – and that’s why I’m saying that we should seek some medical help. There’s probably absolutely _nothing_ to worry about, but to be on the safe side of things…just to be sure.”

“I said I’m fine,” Tina repeated, though her voice was wavering just a tad. “We’ll start trying again in a week or so and everything will be… _fine_.”

He couldn’t force her, he knew – she was too stubborn for that. So instead of arguing, Newt sighed and pulled away from her. “Alright. But,” He added before he could stop himself. “If by the end of next month nothing seems to be working, then we go to a Healer. Can we at least compromise on that?”

She gnawed her lip for a moment, in thought; after a few seconds, she slowly nodded. “Okay. A month.”

* * *

**October 1937**

Despite three pregnancies (four children in total as one had resulted in _twins_ ), Queenie still managed to look effortlessly beautiful and perfect; it made Tina feel even more _drab_ and _dull_ in comparison. It didn’t help when she thought of her younger sister being happily pregnant _again_ without much effort when _she_ herself was having so much trouble.

All the same, it felt _wonderful_ to see her again.

“Teenie!” Queenie’s hug was warm, open, inviting – it reminded Tina of their mother’s hugs. “I’ve missed you _so_ much! I’m sorry we ain’t been able to visit but…well, you know how it is with children…”

Tina smiled, trying to be genuine but probably failing miserably. “Yes, I know. I’ve missed you too, Queenie.”

There was a long pause, and she could just tell that her younger sister was searching through her mind – before she could think to shut her out, however, Queenie had pulled away with an expression of shock. “Teenie…”

“Please,” She pleaded, eying where Newt and Jacob were standing just meters away. “If we have to talk about it, can we talk about it in _private_?”

Her younger sister nodded, expression suddenly sympathetic. “Of course – _ladies’_ chat.”

It didn’t take long before the younger Kowalskis were clamoring around Newt eagerly for a look inside his case; Toby, the eldest at _nearly_ eight, was grinning fondly as he remembered the times he’d been down there. “Uncle Newt, can we go and see the creatures now?”

“Please, Uncle Newt!” Daisy – just a few months older than Phoenix – was begging. “Wanna see the Niffler – Pa makes the _best_ Niffler pastries in the world!”

“Yes,” Ruth agreed, bouncing on her toes; her twin brother, Abel, was hiding shyly behind Jacob. “And Occ-mee!”

Newt had, of course, only been too happy to allow his nieces and nephews to enter the case with him; Jacob had eagerly followed after, both because of Abel tugging on his hand and because of his own eagerness to see the magical creatures again. This left Tina and Queenie quite alone in the Kowalski home – it was more than enough privacy to talk.

“You’ve had an _awful_ year, Teenie,” Queenie sighed, flicking her wand so that the kettle boiled; another flick and two mugs floated out to sit on the kitchen table. “I wish you’d have told me everything in your letters.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Tina muttered, somewhat sarcastically. “I just didn’t think it would be right to mention those kinds of things in a _letter_ – what if someone intercepted one and read it?”

“I suppose so…I still wish you had told me.”

Once the tea had been made, the two sat at the table opposite each other; Queenie was examining her sister with a sympathetic expression, eyes growing sadder with each thought she read.

“Oh, Tina…” She murmured, and she sounded truly upset. “You _have_ had a bad year.”

Tina looked down at her mug, desperate to look anywhere but at her sister. “No kidding. It’s…it’s been difficult, to say the least. We’re still trying, but things just don’t seem to be working.”

Queenie reached over to cover Tina’s hand with her own. “Teen, you really shouldn’t blame yourself. I know Newt doesn’t. And you have three children – three lovely children – so you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I…I suppose,” Tina allowed. “It’s just…it’s difficult because you and Jacob are having another baby now, and I…I wish that was _us_ so badly.”

Queenie’s face had suddenly gone grey. “Tina…it’s…it’s not what you think…”

“No, I know you would have never tried to rub it in,” She sighed, shaking her head to herself. “I’m just being bitter…bitter, prickly _Porpentina_ -”

“Tina.” Queenie’s voice was suddenly weak, all trace of happiness entirely evaporated from her face. “I…It’s… We’re _not_ having a baby anymore.”

It took Tina a moment to fully comprehend what her sister had just told her; she knew her sister would have never considered _getting rid_ of it, but then whatever did she…

 _Oh_.

“Queenie…I’m _so_ sorry,” She whispered, and her heart absolutely _ached_ – not for herself but for her sister now. “I’m…really…I…”

“Don’t worry,” Queenie said softly. “It was a few weeks ago… We’d barely sent the letter off when… Never mind.” She looked down at her mug, shoulders sinking as she continued to speak. “Please don’t say anything to the children – Jacob and I, we didn’t know what to say and…and it’s still a rather sensitive subject for him as well. Please don’t mention it.”

Tina nodded weakly. “I won’t,” She promised, and she reached to grip her sister’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Queenie, and that you and Jacob had to go through _this_. Are you going to…you know?”

“Try again?” Queenie didn’t even wait for a response. “Maybe in a few months, but right now we can’t even _think_ of…well.”

In retrospect, Tina felt that her problems seemed rather marginal when compared to her sister’s – to actually be _pregnant_ and then have that ripped away…it was too awful to think about. It was unfair that her sister – her little blonde sister who she had always done her best to protect – had gone through something like that when she deserved to be happy; she knew that her sister _loved_ having a large family, loved being pregnant, and now to have it disappear like that…

It made Tina feel absolutely sick to imagine.

“Don’t worry about me, Teenie,” Queenie insisted, and she gave a half-hearted smile. “I’m a big girl now – I’ll be okay.”

Tina squeezed her sister’s hand tightly in her own. “I know you will – but I’m your sister: it’s my _job_ to worry anyway.”

* * *

**November 1937**

Healer Monroe had looked sympathetic when she relayed the results of the numerous tests to them, her clipboard clutched tightly in arm.

“I’m afraid, Mrs Scamander, that there appears to be something wrong with your womb. According to your notes, you had a preterm birth with your youngest son roughly two and a half years ago – it was in the middle of Bulgaria, I believe, during an attack.”

“Yes,” Tina whispered, clutching Newt’s hand tightly like a lifeline. “Yes, the camp we were visiting was ambushed, and…and I had to give birth in a bunker.” She lowered her head, staring at the ground as her voice dropped. “I _apparated_ there.”

The Healer nodded in understanding. “Yes, well…while we can’t say for certain why your womb suddenly seems inhospitable and incapable of conceiving a child, it’s more than likely to do with the stressful complications of your last birth – and the apparition is sure to have played a part in it as well.” She paused, looking at Newt now. “As for you, Mr Scamander, everything seems to be in perfect order.”

He could feel her world crashing down from where she was sat next to him, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. “O-Oh. Right.”

“I understand that this is rather difficult news to hear,” Healer Monroe said gently. “I’ll give you two a moment to collect your thoughts.”

As she left, Newt cautiously put an arm around his wife and let out a shaky breath. “Tina…”

“Don’t,” Tina choked out, burying her face in her hands. “Just _don’t_.”

It was a rare occasion when Tina _sobbed_ ; she had cried after the births of their children, of course, for those had been emotional moments, and occasionally she grew teary in a happy way – but she rarely actually _sobbed_. The only other time Newt could recall her doing so was in the MACUSA Death Cell _so_ long ago, absolutely terrified and believing she was about to die.

But she sobbed now – and he honestly couldn’t blame her because he felt like doing exactly the same.

* * *

Newt honestly didn’t know what to do with himself after they had come back from St. Mungo’s; Tina had retreated and locked herself in their bedroom, no doubt to either write her sister or cry some more (or _both_ , he thought miserably), and so he decided that perhaps it would be best to give her some space. He, himself, needed to think things through. Thankfully his parents had agreed to take the children for the night – the last thing they needed to see was their mother so devastated and upset, especially considering they were so young.

He found himself spending hours in the case that evening with his creatures, tending to each and every single one of them to distract himself; he didn’t even mind too much when one of the Occamies nipped his finger hard enough to bleed, or when the new Augery started mournfully crying and disturbed just about every other creature nearby. It seemed fitting, Newt thought to himself as he watched the Augery, that it was going to rain soon considering how dreadful things were going.

His Demiguise was – as always – waiting by the Bowtruckle tree for the story session that usually took place in the evenings; Newt found himself sighing at the sight of him.

“I don’t suppose you can see if things are going to get better,” He found himself muttering to Dougal. “You can’t see if we’re going to be alright in the long-run, can you?”

Dougal had merely blinked at him, tilting his head.

“No,” He continued grimly. “I didn’t think so. No stories tonight, Dougal – I don’t know when there’ll be stories again, to be quite honest. Come on, you’d better get some rest.”

By the time he emerged from the interior of the case, three hours had passed; the house seemed eerily quiet without the sounds of the children running and playing, _too_ quiet to be natural. Newt made sure to lock his case properly – to be safe – before heading upstairs; though he was dreading it, he knew that he’d have to talk to his wife sooner or later about what had happened.

The door was unlocked and cracked open, but he still knocked before entering so that he didn’t disturb her too much; he was relatively unsurprised to see Tina lying curled up on the bed, staring at wall with red-rimmed eyes. She barely spared him a glance as he closed the door behind him and started to unbutton his waistcoat to get more comfortable.

There was a long silence that seemed to stretch between them as he gently lowered himself onto the bed beside her, extremely unsure of how best to approach the conversation. It would be best to still give her some space, he reasoned, to not touch her just yet – he’d let her decide if she wanted contact for herself.

Finally, he took a deep breath. “Tina, love…I’m sorry.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?” Tina retorted dully, eyes still focused on the wall. “ _You_ ’re completely fine – I’m the one who doesn’t…who can’t…”

“I don’t blame you, Tina,” Newt murmured, not dishonestly. “There’s nothing you – or I, for that matter – could have done any differently to have prevented this from happening. It’s…just the way it is.”

She bit her lower lip, tears filling her eyes. “ _I_ blame myself; I was the one who…who apparated that day, despite knowing I was thirty weeks pregnant…if I had just stayed calm and not have been so _stupid_ -”

“You’re not stupid,” He interrupted. “You’re _far_ from stupid – you did what you thought was best that day…and it was two and a half years ago now. No one can blame you for that.” He gave a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair tiredly. “If I hadn’t mentioned wanting another baby…none of this would have happened. We could have been so happy, the five of us, never having to know what we were missing – but now… I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

Tina finally turned and pushed herself up to look at him; a few tears had run down her cheeks, dripping onto her blouse. “Newt, I am so, _so_ sorry…this is all my f-fault…”

“Tina, love,” He mumbled, cautiously taking her hand. “It’s not your fault-”

“It is,” She disagreed, shaking her head. “It’s my fault we can’t have another baby – the Healer herself said so!”

As she started to cry again, Newt could only hold her in his arms as he allowed his own tears to fall. “I…I won’t lie, Tina, I’m…I’m _devastated_ that we can’t have another baby…but I could never, _ever_ blame you for it. Besides, you’ve already given us three absolutely _wonderful_ children – they’re so beautiful and healthy, a-and I’d be a fool to not recognize that.”

Tina buried her face into the crook of his neck, shoulders shaking slightly with the force of her sobs. “I _tried_ …I tried so hard, did everything else _right_ …but it was all useless!”

“It wasn’t,” He sighed, resting his chin on the top of her head. “We tried, and we couldn’t have done anything else more. I’m here, Tina, I promise; I know…I know that this is so...so _hard_ …” His voice was starting to crack, despite his fruitless attempts to reign his own emotions in. “And at this moment, things…they look so _awful_ , but…but _I’ve got you_. I’ve got you, and I’m not going to let go. I…” Newt swallowed the lump in his throat, not sure whether this was the right time to say it. “I love you, Tina, and nothing is going to change my mind on that.”

The next sob was halfway between a gasp and a hiccup as she relaxed slightly in his embrace. “I…I know. I love you too.”

They were going to get through this together; neither of them were particularly sure how or when, but _somehow_ they could move past this – it would just be a matter of time.

* * *

It was later that night that he felt her pressing herself against him, one hand cupping his face whilst the other one rested on his chest; her lips had shortly followed suit, kissing a trail from his chest to the underside of his chin.

“Tina? Are you…Are you sure?”

“Yes. I just…” She let out a shaky exhale before leaning in closer; the feel of her lips brushing against his own caused his blood to pump just a tad faster around his body. “ _Please_ , Newt – I _need_ this.”

Their kissing turned desperate rather quickly, clutching and holding onto each other tightly; Tina hurriedly helped him unbutton his pajama shirt, shoving it down his shoulders, before reaching for the elastic of the mismatched bottoms. He jerked a little at her touch, at how forward she was being, but pushed down the trousers all the same.

When his pajamas were on the floor, Newt found himself gazing at Tina; she was still in her own nightclothes, dreadfully overdressed compared to him, and he cupped her face with his hand.

“Tina.” His voice was soft, tentative almost, as his fingers danced around the bottom of her slip. “Please, let me take care of you.”

She hesitated for just a moment before slowly nodding her consent. “ _Yes_.”

Newt returned to pressing kisses along her neck as he bunched the cotton of the slip and started to pull it up her body; she melted into his touch, breathing coming out fast and heavy. It didn’t take too much effort to slide the slip over her head, finally revealing all of her to him; unable to help himself, he gazed at her naked form in the moonlight in some kind of awe – despite being married and doing _this_ regularly, she was still a sight that took his breath away.

Tina’s cheeks burned and she found herself attempting to cover her breasts from view; she was no longer as lean or slim as she had once been – she was fit, no doubt, but having children had caused certain areas to fill out more whilst other areas became less taut and firm. It was silly, she thought, but she felt almost _ashamed_ by how her body had changed.

“Don’t,” Newt mumbled, and his hands pulled her arms away. “You’re absolutely _beautiful_ and I will not have you believe otherwise. Let me…”

He trailed off as he reached out to touch her breasts; she let out a quiet whimper when he fondled them, rolling the nipples between his fingers expertly (he had had many years’ practice, after all), all the while pressing kisses to her face lovingly.

“Newt,” Tina found herself whispering, arching into his touches; it was almost embarrassing how easily he had managed to arouse her, though she wasn’t about to complain. A small pinch – not hard enough to hurt but to provoke a reaction from her – caused her to let out a groan. “H-Hold on…”

Suddenly her hands were gripping his shaft, squeezing and stroking, causing him to let out a low hiss. “ _Merlin_ …Here, lie down for me.”

It didn’t take long at all to get her comfortably on her back, resting amongst the pillows, or for him to situate himself between her legs. Newt simply stared at her for a moment, just trying to commit her to memory as she was right this second.

“I love you,” He found himself uttering softly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I know I sound like a fool, prattling on about how much I love you but…but you need to know it. Especially now, you need to know that nothing will make me feel any differently.”

He squeezed her thighs as he positioned himself, careful not to hurt her when he finally pushed in; Tina’s breath caught in her throat as he slid in to the hilt, clutching at his back and wrapping her legs around him to bring him closer.

“ _Newt_ …”

“I know you’re upset,” Newt continued to say, voice dropping to a whisper. “I’m upset too, Tina – I wanted this just as much as you did. But…But you’ve already done so _much_ ; look at our children, how wonderful and healthy they are. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. Merlin, you don’t even know…you are _everything_ to me.”

He started to thrust slowly, just allowing her to revel in the moment; when she tossed her head back against the pillows, he leaned down to start nipping at her neck. He wanted to leave a mark, wanted her to see them in the following days and _know_ that, without any shadow of a doubt, he loved her dearly.

“I love you too,” Tina managed, blunt nails scraping across his skin; there were tears glistening in her eyes. “ _I love you_.”

Newt paused, looking down at her; spread out beneath him, she was _ethereal_ – he could very well die a happy man like this, he reflected, buried deep in his wife like this.

“ _Yes_ ,” He agreed softly, and his own eyes started to blur slightly with unshed tears. “You’re really everything, Tina…my wife…a mother to our children…you need to know.”

She stared back up at him, one hand drifting to brush against his jawline and to his cheek. “Please, Newt,” She pleaded softly. “Keep going… _please_ , I need…”

He gave a nod before shifting slightly to get a better angle and sinking in once more; she moaned loudly, bucking her hips to meet his eagerly – the feel of her so hot and swollen and slick nearly undid him right there and then, but this wasn’t about achieving pleasure. No, this was about taking care of her – making sure she knew for certain how he felt.

Tina let out a low groan as his hips picked up the pace, arching and twisting against him. “ _Yes_ … _Faster_.”

He gripped her hips in his hands, allowing himself to thrust wildly into her; it had the desired effect of making her cry out, eyes clenching shut at the delicious friction it caused. She was already tight, but her muscles were now starting to clench and clamp down around him as waves of pleasure started to rush over her.

The twitch in his groin told him that he might not last that much longer – and he certainly wasn’t having that.

“Hang on,” Newt gritted out, and before she could protest he had started to roll over onto his back; with her legs wrapped tightly around him, she rolled with him until she was sat on top. “There…Come on, Tina…I want you to come for me.”

Tina let out a throaty exhale before starting to grind against him once more; with her on top of him, it was slightly easier to reach up and fondle her breasts, to drift his fingers over her body and touch her. He couldn’t help but feel his heart catch in his chest as he watched her riding him, desperately thrusting and pushing to achieve her orgasm – she was so stunning like this, with her hair falling over her face, head thrown back in ecstasy, thighs clenching rhythmically with every move she made.

“ _Newt…_ I can’t…I’m nearly…”

“It’s alright,” Newt murmured hoarsely. “Let go…I’ve got you…”

With trembling fingers, he brushed his hands down her stomach and to where he knew her clit was located; after just a few rough rubs she began to spasm around him, falling forwards into his arms as the waves of pleasure surged through her. She was nearly _sobbing_ his name with relief as she finished, raking her nails down his bare chest. The sight of her above him mixed with the feeling of her pulsing and clamping _so tightly_ around him brought on his own release; he shouted her name as he released inside of her, hips jerking wildly.

Neither of them were quite sure as to how long they stayed there, intertwined with one another; it was only when Tina felt her legs starting to grow sore that she slowly moved off of her husband, still rather sweaty and out of breath. Somehow the two of them managed to find the energy to clamber beneath the blankets, curling up together; for a long moment, the two just lay there in complete and utter bliss.

“Tina?” Newt’s voice was gentle and affectionate, if a little breathless. “I meant it you know – I…I didn’t just say it in the moment; you really are everything to me. If it weren’t for you…”

She leaned in so that their noses were brushing, lips mere inches apart. “I know. At least, I think I do now. _Thank you_.”

Still close together, breathing the same air, the two of them drifted off to sleep within minutes.

* * *

* * *

**October 1940**

Five minutes were nearly up.

It had been a stupid idea to take the potion, absolutely stupid; why bother? It was going to be grey, it always had been…there was no chance, no chance at all…

Tina started to pace the length of the bathroom anxiously, gnawing on her lip; she could hear the sounds of her three children playing outside in the leaves, Linnet’s voice high and clear as she called for ‘Fuzzy’ the Kneazle; she could also hear Newt, tending to the Hippogriff paddock while at the same time keeping an eye on the children.

 _This was a stupid idea_ , she scolded herself, _I was just a bit dizzy and nauseous – absolutely nothing to get worried about._

Still, she had mixed the potion together with a small sample of her blood on a whim and was now waiting for five minutes to end so that she could see if it changed color – Tina knew it wouldn’t deep down, and she suddenly felt foolish for taking the test in the first place. It would stay grey, like it had all the other times in the past.

Her watch gave a beep and she turned around, preparing to see the dull grey liquid swirling in the glass as it always would.

The potion was a brilliant _blue_.

**Author's Note:**

> I’M SORRY.
> 
> Okay, before people start going “Tina is tough, Tina wouldn’t cry”, I think she would if she had some awful news like that. And she does cry in the movie (being sentenced to death, Credence, saying goodbye to Newt) so to say she would never cry is wrong. In public, she’d perhaps be a bit more “hold it in” but in the privacy of her own home with her husband? She’s human and humans have to express emotions.  
> The “Miracle Baby” will probably have its own massive-length oneshot so…that’s another one to add to the list.
> 
> Like what I post? Why don't you check out [my Ko-fi page](https://www.ko-fi.com/meganwalsh)?
> 
> Also, I really hate myself for the Queenie thing. I really do. Blame my sick, delirious mind on Saturday when I was in the cinema struggling not to vomit. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea (and it opens up the prospect of another angsty Jacob/Queenie centric fic but more on that later…)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed (somewhat)!


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